after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
