You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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