I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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