the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
