So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
