So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
