Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
