you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
