dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
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I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!