Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.

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(256): View more from Alabama

that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level

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(661): View more from California

i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

(951): View more from California

u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

(661): View more from California

i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"

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(319): View more from Iowa

the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

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(702): View more from Nevada

Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.

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