cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?