Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.

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  (631): Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person. http://tfl.nu/vzo8
  Replies (15) Good night (3673) Bad night (776)
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  (760): View more from California

  The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.

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  (760): The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper. http://tfl.nu/pbch
  Replies (11) Good night (1121) Bad night (6676)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."

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  (513): she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead." http://tfl.nu/j1dy
  Replies (34) Good night (5525) Bad night (1467)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.

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  (720): She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/92ru
  Replies (9) Good night (3015) Bad night (829)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.

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  (202): i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day. http://tfl.nu/yh3a
  Replies (21) Good night (10046) Bad night (998)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,

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  (412): Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage, http://tfl.nu/ten2
  Replies (15) Good night (4703) Bad night (1042)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?

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  (980): Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew? http://tfl.nu/j4qs
  Replies (12) Good night (2745) Bad night (753)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.

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  (850): Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again. http://tfl.nu/pnzj
  Replies (1) Good night (2100) Bad night (1064)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.

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  (717): I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild. http://tfl.nu/q7pb
  Replies (4) Good night (1644) Bad night (629)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.

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  (541): Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life. http://tfl.nu/7mk5
  Replies (18) Good night (863) Bad night (594)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever

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  (631): I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever http://tfl.nu/7j84
  Replies (22) Good night (3407) Bad night (643)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What happened to my knees?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.

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  (919): What happened to my knees? (1-919): You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded. http://tfl.nu/49nz
  Replies (2) Good night (882) Bad night (582)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.

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  (720): FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck. http://tfl.nu/h6sm
  Replies (0) Good night (518) Bad night (343)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!

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  (808): just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell! http://tfl.nu/l3nk
  Replies (1) Good night (229) Bad night (404)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.

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  (678): By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options. http://tfl.nu/d9kl
  Replies (4) Good night (609) Bad night (183)

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