Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.