my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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