He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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