Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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