there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
