Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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