I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
