Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
