I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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