Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need to align my fucking chakras
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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