Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
