hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
