i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
Randomize