I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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