You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
