it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
