he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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