1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
