You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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