This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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