I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
