Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
