I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
