Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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