So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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