Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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