She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
