My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
