When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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