I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
