Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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