he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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