I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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