I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im holly from the hills drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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