the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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