We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
