i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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