i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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