Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
