no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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