Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
