Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
People in love make me want to vomit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize