I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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