Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
