btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
