Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
