McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
