gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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