Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
