So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
