Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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