we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
