My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
