dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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