I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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