He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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