Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
