my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
